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It started with making things with clay, things that were small and weird..things that I was not able to identify at the beginning. but I left them on my desk, on the kitchen table. I holded them while talking on the phone. I took photos of them, I made drawings, paintings from these photos. then, they were not weird for me anymore.
It was like an endless process that I was making something, then breaking, spoiling it, then constructing something else with remainders, then deconstructing again and again.
They were like on the horizon of becoming something, but this becoming would not be completed.
I thought they were similar to ruins that remain after, but also changing in a way. 
I am interested in this process of (de/re)construction. I am interested in the horizon of becoming of things/beings.
And this page refer to the notes I have been taking about this topic.






dünya ne bütünüyle duyulur ne bütünüyle düşünülür dünya, hiçbir zaman olmuş bitmiş değil, devamlı bir şeylere oluş şeklindedir der merleau-ponty .


the world is neither entirely perceptible nor entirely thinkable. The world is never fully complete; it is continually in the process of becoming something. Merleau-Ponty says: the perceptible is continually in transition to the thinkable.

(Emre San, Akbank Philosophy  Talks)

                            

                                                                                                                           


silik, görünmez                
görünür görünmez  
       

faint, invisible
visible-invisible










june, berlin

I was myself, I was as whole
then, I became afraid (of myself)








Notes from Kristeva

The unbearable, incandescent boundary between the inside and the outside, between the self and the other
Being as unease
Constantly fragmenting, layering

gfj







Anlatı devam etse bile, yapı değiştirir: düzçigiselliği parçalanır, kopuk kopuk, muammalar, kestirmeler, yarıda kesilmeler, birbirine karışmalar, kopuşlar halinde gelişir
Still Notes from Kristeva
‘ When the identity that is the subject of the narrative can no longer maintain its wholeness, when the boundary between subject and object is shaken, and even when the boundary between the inside and the outside becomes blurred, the first thing to be questioned is the narrative itself.

This bottomless pit that takes on the strange fragmentation between a self and an other (between nothing and everything) ’

Even if the narrative continues, its structure changes: its linearity breaks apart, unfolding in fragments, riddles, shortcuts, interruptions, interminglings, and ruptures








Bulanık ve yitip gitmiş bir yaşamdan artakalanlardan kısmen hatırlar gibi olduğum ama şu an benden tamamen ayrı ve tiksinç bir şey olarak yakama yapışan bir yabansılık, aniden yoğun bir şekilde belirir. Ben değil. Şu da değil. Ama hiçbir şey de değil.Bir şey olarak tanımlayamadığım bir 'bir şey'. Anlamsız olmayan ve beni çökerten anlam-olmayanın ağırlıği. Var olmayışın ve sanrının, farkına vardığımda beni hiçleştirecek bir gerçekliğin sınırında. İğrenç ve iğrenme orada benim korkularımdır. Kültürüme doğru atılan ilk adımlardır.

(Julia Kristeva, Korkunun Güçleri: İğrençlik Üzerine Deneme)


how the boundaries of the self becomes vague ?
-, disgusting :  the collapse of meaning

A strangeness suddenly emerges with intense clarity—something I seem to partially remember from a blurred and faded life, left over from what once was, yet now completely separate from me and repulsive. Not me. Not this. But also not nothing. A 'something' I cannot define as a thing. The weight of the non-meaning that is not meaningless and that crushes me. At the boundary of non-being and delusion, a reality that, when I become aware of it, will annihilate me. The abject and my disgust are there—they are my fears. They are the first steps toward my culture.



(Julia Kristeva, Powers of Horror: An Essay on Abjection)




                                                                                                         
28.09.2023, Omerli Torna
 
                                                                                                 
kendinden devamlı değişen bir yapısı var evin,
                                                                                                                                        şaşırtıyor insanı

the house has a structure that constantly changes on its own, surprising you.
                            
-temporality- Matthew Sotoriou
‘the sense that we are free agents depends on how we are oriented with future.
our sense of identity is affected with how we are oriented with our past,
depends how we map, reconstruct our past.
rememberinf will be always incomplete, there is always going to be holes,gaps ’




Modernity in Ruins
Svetlana Boym - Obscene Homes 

time hides in the configurations of objects. the past is embodied in fragments, ruins, trash and vessels of all sorts-chest of drawers, cupboards, rugs and worn-out clothes. the future is suggested in texts, frames, white walls, cavities, cracks and openings. The intallations incorporate other temporalities, and cheat linear time and the fast pace of contemporary life.